That's What You Get For Waking Up In Vegas- Er The Kongo's House
by mysterySanity
Summary: What do jello shots, vodka, and tequila have in common? They've all been consumed by Sena, Hiruma, and Agon sometime in the past day to week. When enough alcohol is consumed to cause a person to black out, well sometimes unplanned events occur. And dealing with a massive hangover comes second to figuring out exactly what did happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, I know I already have an Eyeshield 21 story going on, but I'm trash, so have another one loosely based on what I imagine the Hangover movie was like.**

"Afhmgf." Yoichi groans blinking his eyes open and trying to sit up. He immediately regrets the decision as it sets the room spinning violently and he feels the urge to upchuck everything he's ever eaten. He snaps his eyes shut and focuses on not dying. Who would blackmail the idiots of the world if he died from vomiting his internal organs up? He manages to half-slouch up by leaning heavily against the headboard.

"Shut up trash." Comes a voice all too close. Yoichi cracks his eyes back open and cautiously turns his head. This was not his room. In fact, if he remembered correctly, this was Agon's room. That was not a good sign. On one hand, Agon's room always had blackmail material in it, which Yoichi could and would use. But on the other hand… Yoichi briefly considers doing a pants check, but decides it was infinitely probably that he would upchuck if he moved right now. The dreads would kick him out if he threw up all over these… Yoichi feels the sheets- and really? Fucking dreads was the most high maintenance child Yoichi had ever had the displeasure of meeting. 1,500 thread count Egyptian sheets, how the dreads' parents hadn't murdered him in his sleep, Yoichi had no idea.

"I think I need a divorce." Another, very familiar and even more worryingly close, voice speaks softly. Yoichi decides to chance the vomit and pulls the covers up slowly. Three people, three pairs of… well if not pants then coverings. There had to be a story behind the shrimp's skirt and Yoichi was slightly disappointed that he couldn't remember it. The pants check was successful in any case, which was probably a good sign, but the other two people in the bed were the fucking shrimp and the dreads. Sometimes, Yoichi is positive the universe is trying to punish him for all the blackmail he uses without regret. If so, he can't help but think it's beginning to work; Yoichi is really regretting how right he is all the time.

"Annulment." He says instead of voicing any of these thoughts. The shrimp turns towards him, shock and fear fighting with curiosity. Sena's a mess. His hair seems to have finally decided to attempt to fight back and he has dark circles under his eyes. He's actually sitting completely upright though, which is more than Yoichi can attempt, so whatever happened Yoichi doesn't want to see what he looks like.

"Shut up, trash." Agon says, a little more insistently. Yoichi glances dismissively towards him. He looks worse than Sena, laying flat on his back with his dreads even more out of order than they normally are. Agon pinches the bridge of his nose and looks ready to commit murder.

"An annulment is what you get when there was no removal of pants." Yoichi says, ignoring Agon. Sena blinks stupidly, curiosity winning for the moment. Yoichi sighs heavily. "Sex, shrimp. You didn't have it, you can't get a divorce." Yoichi hisses through his teeth, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he pauses. "You got married?" He asks; being drunk seems to have really screwed up his priorities.

Agon has taken to making a noise not unlike a malfunctioning lawn mower, in an attempt to shut the other two up.

"Um, I think so." Sena pauses, screwing up his face to try to remember anything. He bites his lip suddenly and looks concerned. "I'm pretty sure an annulment is not possible." He says solemnly. There is a brief pause in which even Agon stops groaning and turns his head slowly. The three members in the bed all consider this statement in varying levels of shock.

"Congratulations shrimp." Yoichi offers, finally. "You've become an adult, complete with terrible life decisions aided by alcohol. The manager will never forgive any of us."

"Thanks." Sena says dully, he looks like he's going into shock, and Yoichi is not prepared to deal with that, so Sena had best figure out how to deal with the knowledge sometimes you get drunk married very, very fast or Yoichi's kicking him out of the room.

"Shut. Up. Trash." Agon puts in, a little louder. All three in the bed wince a little, and Agon yanks a pillow over his head, groaning far louder than was really called for. Sena starts muttering under his breath, trying to sort out exactly what happened, or possibly having an existential crisis, Yoichi isn't sure which. It's better than shock though, not by much though.

Yoichi, instead of following either's example, thinks. He's pretty sure that the drinking spurge didn't last more than one day, but he will admit, to himself, that he is notoriously bad with times while drunk, hence why he does not drink. There had been a lot of alcohol involved though, and everything in his memory was sort of a blur, so it was possible that it was a lot longer than just one day. Out of the corner he sees Agon has given up on blocking Sena out and has moved on to attempting to suffocate him. He considers helping the shrimp, he can't afford to loose the running back after all, but decides against it, Agon is still very hung over and Sena is still muttering so it's unlikely Agon will be successful.

Yoichi instead relishes in the feel of the sheets on his face, where he has sunk down and given up on life. Agon is still a spoiled brat and the sheets are stupid but they are doing wonders for his headache. Speaking of headaches Yoichi has to find his handbook and his clothes for that matter. He's not sure whose clothes these are but they are definitely not his. He may be a blackout drunk, but he's a blackout drunk with a purpose, and he always wakes up with twice as much blackmail he blacked out to. If he can find his pants. Once, and he doesn't like to remember this time, he couldn't find his pants and he had to start all over, which is when he thought he'd sworn off drinking forever. If anything like that happens again, Yoichi is just going to give up, get drunk for the rest of his mortal existence, and start shooting everyone who doesn't comply with his drunken commands.

At this point Agon had given up on suffocating Sena and moved on to attempting to suffocate himself. Sena has started muttering about how everyone he has ever met is going to kill him, which, as far as Yoichi knows (admittedly pretty far), is an accurate summation of events. Yoichi is just about to grab a pillow and follow Agon into the great darkness when the door opens gently.

"Excuse me, but I though I heard voices, so I assumed you were all awake. Sena, your mother would like you to call her." Unsui whispers. Sena abruptly cuts off his stream of thoughts, turns deathly pale and scrambles off the bed running towards the door. He moves at an impressive speed, even while hung-over, but he looks like he greatly regrets moving at all, and presses his lips together tightly. Unsui allows him a moment to gather himself before he speaks again. "Follow me." Unsui says, supporting Sena carefully and steering him off. And then there were two.

"Trash." Agon says, not lifting the pillow off his face.

"Dreads." Yoichi responds, very carefully sitting all the way up to fold his hands behind his head and cross his legs. He still has to lean heavily on the headboard, but Agon's blind and laying down so really he thinks he wins in this instance.

"This never happened." Agon says with murder in his voice. It would be scary if Yoichi wasn't, well, Yoichi, but he gets points for trying as Yoichi is feeling generous and slightly better at the moment.

"Kekeke. Not going to introduce me to the parents?" Yoichi taunts. He's already met Agon's mom, actually. A kind woman, with a backbone of steel, though surprisingly young. She manages to control Agon half the time, and despite all Yoichi's attempts out of curiosity, does nothing it is possible to blackmail her for. There is not, as far as the Kongo family is concerned, a father, and Yoichi can respect that.

"I'll recover faster than you." Agon snarls, throwing his pillow at Yoichi's head. Yoichi catches it and scoffs, he's not worried. For some unthinkable reason Agon's mom likes Yoichi, and despite everything else Agon isn't willing to hurt his mother's feelings in any way larger than by staying out too late. He knows for a fact that every Mother's day Agon cancels any date he might have had and spends the day with his mother. Not that Yoichi could really throw stones in this case. While Yoichi is pondering this, the door slides open again, louder.

"I'd like to say I'm disappointed Agon, but really I'm just surprised you aren't permanently hung over." Unsui says, not bothering to regulate his voice this time. Yoichi manages to internally wince, which is a vast improvement over external and clearly visible wincing, and he keeps his face blank and his body still. He's impressed though, he wasn't sure that Unsui was capable of scolding Agon, not counting the time Agon and Yoichi had disappeared for almost a week straight, which Yoichi still maintains was not his fault. Then again, he never knew Unsui that well, but he does know from their mother than he has always been the more responsible child.

"Unko-chan-" Agon starts, pouting, but Unsui isn't done yet.

"And you. What were you thinking taking Sena with you? He's 16 for pity's sake." Yoichi does not move. He refuses to feel bad for whatever he may or may not have done that he can't remember. Unsui sags, shaking his head. "Here. I'm going to open the blinds." Unsui hands first Agon and then Yoichi a cup with water in it along with two Tylenol.

"Two?" Agon asks, raising an eyebrow incuriously. Yoichi is surprised at just how much of an idiot Agon can be sometimes. Unsui turns back slightly towards his brother, very slowly.

"If you want to damage your liver on your own time, fine. I won't be part of it though." Unsui says, and then he pulls the blinds. Sunlight floods into the room, mocking Yoichi with its bright rays and intensity. He can vaguely make out Agon squinting and groping in his hair. He feels a slow smile growing across his face, despite the rearing headache. He gulps the Tylenol and water down, setting the cup somewhere on the floor before reaching onto the top of his head and pulling down Agon's sunglasses. Unsui is standing somewhere still by the window, arms crossed, but a half-smile on his face in amusement. Agon notices a couple seconds after Unsui does.

"Trash. Give me my glasses." He growls, in a tone that leaves no room for arguments. It's ruined a little bit by his squinting though.

"Kekekeke. I think they suit me." Yoichi responds, hooking them down to stare at Agon, before concealing a wince and slowly pushing the glasses back up to cover his eyes. Agon looks about three seconds away from murdering Yoichi, which is to say, no different than any other time Yoichi and Agon are in the same vicinity.

"Here." Unsui says, more relaxed, dropping another pair of sunglasses on Agon's head. "Don't kill each other, lunch is in 15 minutes." Unsui's eyes narrow as he focuses on Agon. "Take your medicine." He says sternly, staring Agon down, until, sulking, Agon does as bid. Unsui nods and exits, slamming the door behind him. Yoichi thinks that Unsui is enjoying this a little more than he really should. Yoichi and Agon glance at each other, Agon scowling, Yoichi grinning widely. Agon breaks first, wincing away to finally pull his sunglasses over his eyes.

"I'm going for a shower. And I'm stealing your clothes." Yoichi announces, sliding off the side of the bed. Agon stares incredulously at him.

"Trash. You're a bigger moron than I ever thought if you think I'm letting you even touch my clothes." Agon replies. Yoichi cackles.

"Your mother, I'm sure, will be pleased with how you treat your poor little friend." He says, feeling an unhealthy amount of vindication as Agon's glare intensifies, but his objections die off. Yoichi rummages through Agon's drawers until he finds what he was looking for. He bows to Agon, rubbing his victory in before setting off for the bathroom. Yoichi is pleased with how little he feels like dying already.


	2. Chapter 2

The only thing that makes being hung-over worth it, Yoichi thinks as he gets out of the shower, is how good everything feels while recovering. Food, showers, his clothes retrieved from Agon's bottom dresser drawer where they were hidden four years ago because Agon never cleans—just little things he doesn't usually notice. He dries his hair with the towel that is clearly Agon's and snickers vindictively to himself. It's very easy, in the Kongo household, to figure out which item belongs to which family member. If it's disgustingly expensive and fashionable, it's Agon's. If it's worn and just functional enough to work, it's Unsui's, his way of apologizing for Agon. If it's pretty but off brand, it's their mother's. In any case, Yoichi finds he is extraordinarily petty when it comes to the fucking dreads, because Agon is regrettably full of himself and if Yoichi doesn't knock him down one or twelve pegs, well, no one else is even willing to try.

He walks into the kitchen feeling almost normal, and hungrier than he has been in a while. Unsui is at the stove managing as many pots and pans as he can fit onto the burners. Yoichi sees what looks like an omelet, vegetables, and what could be bacon, but could just as possibly be human flesh. He couldn't say with too much confidence given how intensely focused Unsui is. Unsui notices him suddenly and the slightest frown appears on his face.

"You know where the dining room is, I assume?" Unsui asks, and Yoichi nods back smoothly. After all, Unsui is cooking what he's going to be (hopefully) eating shortly, he's not about to anger the teen. "Lunch is almost ready. I trust you can avoid killing Agon for the duration of the meal, if he even shows up?" Unsui questions, but he turns away after Yoichi cackles, shaking his head and muttering darkly to himself, so Yoichi doesn't feel the need to verbalize his answer. Instead he walks to the dining room, which is just as he remembers it.

One functional and debatably attractive oak table with one giant scratch courtesy of Agon marring its surface. Six mismatched oak chairs, the smallest of which is probably more accurately classified as a stool. And Sena, with his head cushioned on his arms, dozing in the smallest chair. He's positioned just to the left of the head of the table, as far from the door as he can get. Yoichi goes over and pokes him, just to see what will happen. Sena mumbles something nonsensical and rubs the offended cheek against his shoulder, like he can brush off the touch, but otherwise doesn't react. Yoichi clicks his tongue, disappointed, and sits down on Sena's right, making sure to snag the largest chair and prop his feet up on the chair directly across from him. It would seem a little petty to Yoichi in any other situation, but when it comes to the fucking dreads, it is impossible to go too far.

Yoichi periodically pokes Sena, partly to see if his response will change, and partly out of boredom, but Sena almost always does the same mumble, cheek rub routine. Except for once, when Yoichi patted his cheek instead and Sena nuzzled against his hand like some kind of cat. Yoichi laughed so loud, he thought Sena would wake up or Unsui would stomp into the room to throw a spatula at him, but neither happened. Mostly, however, Yoichi uses the time to think. He comes to the conclusion that he cannot remember the majority of the bars he went to last night, and he also has no idea where he last had his blackmail book. The first problem can likely be solved by manipulating Sena into asking Agon if he knew where they had gone, but the second… Yoichi scowls to himself. He's probably going to have to go to every single bar and scour it from top to bottom. Which could take a very long time given the heightened alcohol tolerance Yoichi mysteriously gains around Agon.

After Yoichi has spent approximates thirty minutes musing, Agon storms through the door, looking ready to throw down. Just to be contrary, Yoichi puts his finger to his lips, grins like a demon and motions towards Sena. Then he kicks the chair he'd been resting his feet on out from the table. Agon's eyes narrow, but after glancing back towards where Unsui is still cooking lunch he takes the seat with remarkably terrible grace. Yoichi cackles quietly and Agon tries his hardest to break Yoichi's leg in half by kicking it with his foot. He stops after he hits the chair leg instead, resulting in a fatal sounding crack, and returns to his fuming. Yoichi laughs even louder until Sena starts murmuring. Judging by Agon's reaction, he'd been told not to wake Sena, so Yoichi figures he'd best not disturb Sena too much either.

Yoichi and Agon remain at a stand-still, with Agon occasionally lashing out, but never too close to Sena and never violently enough to wake him up. Yoichi always dodges though, he may have willingly forgotten a lot about their partnership, but the ability to dodge was not something he thought it smart to forget. So by the time Unsui enters with the first few platters of food they've settled into a glaring match, because Agon's default emotion is fury and Yoichi is bored out of his mind. Unsui clicks his tongue in disapproval, but lays the plates of food on the table without a word. Agon reaches for one, the bacon Yoichi notices, amused, only to have Unsui slap his hand back. Agon snarls and glares daggers at his brother, but Unsui remains unmoved. Yoichi is starting to regret never speaking to the teen until today.

"Please wait for the rest of the food Agon." Unsui says, but it's really more of a command, and Yoichi finds himself very impressed. Agon scowls fiercely, but he slumps back against his chair and directs his gaze angrily away from the food. Yoichi would say it was cute that Agon thought he could act like this was his idea when he was clearly bending to the will of the brother he had proclaimed lesser time and again, but, well, Agon. The fucking dreads was many things, but cute was not ever one of them, puerile, maybe, infuriating and much too violent, but not cute.

"Oh, did you need help carrying that in?" Sena yawns, sitting up and rubbing at one of his eyes. Speaking of cute. It'd figure when someone needed help the shorty would wake up. Yoichi blinks twice and reexamines his previous thoughts. He was so sure he'd reached the hangover portion of the day. Clearly the effects of drinking were lingering longer than Yoichi calculated. Unsui blinks politely, and smiles at the running back.

"No, thank you, Sena. You can go back to sleep, I'll make sure something remains, if you'd like." Unsui offers gently. Agon's eyes snap immediately to his brother, suspicion clear, but Unsui remains smiling softly at Sena. Yoichi feels his own eyebrows raise, wasn't that interesting. If only he knew where his book was… But then again, he had a good enough memory and years of hanging around Unsui's house, he hardly needed more blackmail.

"I'm okay, really! Sorry for sleeping so long." Sena says, looking more like an eager puppy than any human really has the right to. Unsui nods and walks back out of the room. This leaves, for the record, one devious blackmailer without his blackmail, one certifiable, easily angered genius, and an actual child all in the same room. Yoichi wonders exactly how Unsui thought this could end without at least one death. Sena fidgets in his chair, surprisingly not with the nerves Yoichi expected, but stretching and yawning, clearly fighting off the lingering desire to sleep. Agon, upon inspection, is staring at Sena harder than is acceptable by the standards of society, but then Yoichi has yet to see Agon do anything that even acknowledges acceptable is a standard that he should be held to. Still, Yoichi takes note; this isn't the normal death stare Agon levels at everything. It's different in a way Yoichi can't pin down, which infuriates him.

When Agon registers Yoichi's stares—which takes much longer than he expected, Yoichi notes with dawning glee—he kicks out as hard as he can. Yoichi just barely manages to jump out of his chair in time to watch it fly back and hit the wall with a resounding thud. He cackles at the pure fury on Agon's face and they both ignore Sena's terrified whimpers. All is once again right with the world, Yoichi thinks smugly. But all too soon Unsui sweeps back into the room, holding three more trays and full of righteous anger. He gently places the food onto the table before striding over and smacking his brother on the back of his bead.

"I can't leave you alone for five minutes without you breaking something." Unsui states calmly, and Yoichi is very impressed, the statement somehow sounds so much worse calm than it would if it had been yelled in anger. "If you must snap a leg," Unsui continues, smiling blandly, "please make it Hiruma's rather than our furniture's." He drags the chair from the wall back over to the table and clicks his tongue, pointing out the leg that is just barely holding on. "And please do it outside to reduce the collateral." Unsui finishes politely. Yoichi would like to be offended, but really he is too delighted to even consider it. He flops into the chair on Sena's other side, at the head of the table where he belongs, and leans back to enjoy the show. Agon scowls at him like he can sense Yoichi's thoughts. Yoichi grins widely back. Then Unsui claps briskly to redirect their attention back to him. "Before you cause this situation to denigrate any further, let's eat." He says, and his voice is beginning to strain. He sits directly in between Yoichi and Agon, which is cute, but would not be at all effective if either teen decided to attempt to murder the other. Yoichi notices, amusedly, that Unsui has left the poor, abused chair directly across from Agon where it can stare accusingly at him for the duration of this meal. Agon, of course, does not seem to be bothered by this at all and has already started tearing into the bacon platter.

"Thank you for the food." Sena says quietly, mostly to himself as he watches Agon devour what must have been a full pig once in horror and fascination. Yoichi takes a moment to pity Sena before grabbing the closest platter defensively. Yoichi has eaten enough here in the past to understand how mealtimes work with hung-over Agon. If he can get his hands on it, there will be none left.

"Let's eat." Yoichi says in response, as he looks at the platter. His reflexes have clearly remained intact, he is pleased to note, and he begins to shovel the sausage links onto his plate. He narrows his eyes as he sees Agon start ripping into the hash browns. When Unsui can be persuaded into making Western breakfasts his hash browns are worth killing for and Yoichi has a serious moment in which he considers doing exactly that before Unsui clears his throat softly. He narrows his eyes as Yoichi turns to look at him, so Yoichi grudgingly sets that idea to the side. Sena is still staring blindly at the massacre Agon is making of the table, and Yoichi shakes his head again. He yanks the crepe platter out of the way just before Agon lunges for it and shoves it at Sena, who blinks in surprise. Yoichi glares at him until he jerkily lowers his head, murmuring his thanks, and begins to eat. Yoichi is not about to have a record awful football season because his running back has been turned off food forever due to Agon's eating habits. Speaking of which, Yoichi hears Unsui gag slightly next to him and he turns to face Agon, who has found the pancakes and is tearing them apart with his teeth like a wild animal. Yoichi cackles.

The only sounds for the next thirty minutes are Yoichi laughing intermittently, Unsui's brief and occasional sounds of disgust, Agon chewing louder than should be humanly possible, and Sena's soul slowly being broken every time he chances a look away from his plate, which Yoichi tosses something onto every time Unsui prods him with his fork. Yoichi really is beginning to appreciate Unsui. Eventually though, only the carcasses of Unsui's hard work remains, and Agon leans back in his seat, letting out a truly horrendous burp. Sena winces further into himself, resembling a small, terrified turtle by this point, and Yoichi once again is unable to help cackling. Unsui decisively lowers his utensils to his plate with a click and clears his throat.

"Sena," he begins softly, "would you like to share what your mother had to say to you?" Unsui asks, and though his voice is soothing there is a firmness to it that has Yoichi perking up in his seat. Sena flinches again, almost falling off his chair. "Sena." Unsui repeats, with a little more force. Sena mumbles something into his shirt, clears his throat, opens his mouth, closes it, and gently lowers his head to the table. Yoichi is intrigued beyond measure by this point, and so he leans in closer to Sena. Sena, predictably, shrieks a little and jumps out of his chair.

"Okay." He yells, arms defensively held in front of his chest and body angled away from Yoichi. "Okay." Sena repeats taking in a deep breath. He lowers his arms and straightens, letting out the previous breath before gulping nervously. "My mom wanted to tell me she got a text from me last night. I'd attached a picture of the—" Sena gulps in another breath, eyes darting uncomfortably between the occupants of the breakfast table, "of the marriage license." He finishes weakly. Agon raises his eyebrows at Unsui, who oddly enough holds up a hand. Yoichi's curiosity rises yet again.

"Why should I care who the trash you married is?" Agon finally asks when it becomes clear Sena is not going to proceed without some sort of prodding. Sena whimpers a little, and Yoichi starts to grin. He's almost entirely sure he can see where this is going and he will never stop laughing. Agon growls angrily and starts to stand up, but Sena puts both hands out.

"Your name was on the marriage license." He blurts, almost too fast to be comprehensible. Almost. Agon is still and silent for exactly one second before he finishes standing so fast that his chair clatters sideways on the floor.

"What." He states, entirely too calm. Sena's shaking multiplies tenfold and anything he may try to say is lost in his stuttering. Yoichi loses himself to his laughing. This is better than anything he expected today, he may, indeed, never stop laughing.

"I wouldn't laugh just yet if I were you Hiruma." Unsui says calmly. Yoichi slowly stops cackling and raises his eyebrow before turning to face Sena. Sena takes yet another calming breath and glances nervously at Agon, who appears to have frozen in fury.

"Your name was also on the marriage license." Sena whimpers and Yoichi feels an odd camaraderie with Agon for the first time, as he too freezes in place.

**Good Gracious, that sure did happen. Sorry it took so long to upload this. If you keep up with any of my other stories I really am trying to update. I'm just incredibly lazy and had a very stressful summer. But that's all done with! So, I hope you all enjoyed and as always, please feel free the feed the author with reviews. You are all lovely, have a great day.**


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